Please Pass the Broccoli

I cringe every time I hear ‘how do you find balance?’. Bottom line - I don’t. I take the ups with the downs & make it work. Period. And sometimes it doesn’t work, but that’s okay. Tomorrow is another day.

September was busy. Too busy. Rayne started back to school (first year of full days), Allison was away and I was working with new staff, I flew the family to Vegas for the ABC kids show, and then I spent two weeks getting caught up and planning for the coming holiday season. I am exhausted. And I’m certain I have new wrinkles to show for it.

I just spent the last day reading the blog of a successful mom business owner. She writes,

I refuse to pretend about having perfection in my life, or finding balance as a working mother. It’s too much work to be constantly rearranging imperfections.

My life is very…messy. It’s challenging, tiring, exciting, fulfilling and far from perfect. I’m getting a spare tire around my middle. And I have the face I deserve. And I’m proud of it.

Messy is the perfect description of my current life. Add very unbalanced to the list. And I have to be okay with that. Wrinkles, stress lines, stretch marks and all.

Tags: WAHM, Working Mom

Actually, I’ve been up since 4:30 and have pretty much been tossing and turning all night. Rory is teething (again) and the only thing keeping her happy is nursing. So I’m forced to be uncomfortable all night in an attempt to keep her comfortable. That’s the mommy gig for you. And I wouldn’t change a thing. Well, except for maybe some sleep.

I probably could have gone to bed by now but while trying to maintain my sanity during nursing a child that just will. not sit. still. I started to browse the net. I don’t get much time to do that anymore thanks to my online business filling up every. waking. minute. So having a few hours on my hands and a baby attached to my boob, I figured I’d do something for ME.

What started out as a quick check of interesting people online found browsing Twitter eventually lead to a new business idea. Yes. That’s the entrerenuer in me. I can never seem to stop coming up with ideas. So, Internet, I have a new business idea and one that I am becoming increasingly more excited about as the night goes on. So much so I have decided to ‘officially’ document this moment here at my personal blog. The blog I don’t believe anyone reads yet. The blog where I can write fairly freely knowing I am pretty much only talking to myself. Maybe one day I will add this post to an “About” page on the website of my new business venture. But until then this will be a record of how a new business idea turns into something other than an idea. ‘Cause that’s just what I do. I turn ‘ideas’ into reality. And no. I will not be reveling what this new business idea is just yet. ‘Cause that’s also what I do. I keep to myself, and therefore I will be keeping (most of) my ideas to myself. For now.

A few things to note today. I read a great post about calling yourself a ‘writer’ but I can’t seem to find it now. The jist of it was, if you write, you’re a writer, so call yourself one. Yeah, it was pretty simple like that. I’ve always wanted to be a writer and when I purchased my first laptop at age 20, it was with the intention of become said writer. I was willing to invest (read, go into debt) on a $800 computer because I knew I would write an awesome, amazing, best-selling book that everyone would want to own and I would make that money back 10 fold.

Well, my writing career never did quite take off, what with life throwing everything into a whirlwind (divorce, new relationships, and kids will do that to you!). Over the last few years I have gotten much enjoyment out of being involved in the WAHM (work-at-home-mom) community and writing content for my website on a daily basis. This has more or less allowed me to ‘write’ and release all that creative energy I have need of releasing on a frequent basis. Yet I’ve never felt as though I am a writer. But according to this article (which I will link to as soon as I can find it again!), I am writer simply because I write. So I will therefore start referring to myself as a writer. At least to myself, my husband, and my kids. Since no one else will care. And I’m pretty sure they won’t care either, but they have to listen to me. Or at least tune me out when I talk.

Another note. The sun is still coming up at 6am. It’s not fall just yet. It feels good to know I haven’t missed the entire summer with my girls.

And one final note. Look at how many posts I can manage to create when I’m not trying to be perfect? I’m pretty impressed with myself. Four posts this month. I really should try and not be so damned perfect more often. It’s rather productive, actually.

I came across a blog post today listing reasons why writing or blogging daily can be important. Getting to the point of daily writing is a ways off for me (Roo won’t be in school full time for at least 3 more years) but the message really resonates with me. I have this strong desire to write often, but then I don’t because I feel guilty about it being a waste of my time. Considering I always have a to-do list that seems to span pages upon pages and two kids as well as a husband that are always vying for my attention, taking a few minutes a day for ‘me’ is still a luxury. Heck, having the bathroom to myself for a shower is a luxury in itself most days.

So the next time I feel the need to write and don’t, I will refer myself to this blog post for 10 Reasons to Write and Publish Every Day.

I love the warm evenings. July was so cool this year, it almost felt like summer wasn’t going to come. It was incredible how the temperature could drop so cold once the sun started setting. But summer did finally come, even if only for a few, short weeks.

The last two nights have been warm enough to head to the lake after dinner. It’s been the perfect way to tire the girls out. Rayne just loves digging in the sand, trying to catch the tadpoles, and watching the ducks go by. Rory is amazed at the feel of the water on her legs and the sand beneath her feet. The water is finally warm enough that it doesn’t shock her when she touches it. She even started splashing and reaching for the bottom of the lake to pick up rocks.

I feel so blessed that we have the lake close by. We haven’t had much of a chance to enjoy it this summer, but the last few days of being able to walk across the street to the beach have been amazing. I keep thinking that I don’t deserve this life. How did I get so lucky?

I’ve realized much of the reason I don’t post to my blog that often is I like things to be perfect. I always have. I can remember when I was in grade school and we had creative writing or math pages to print out (by hand!), if I had any mistakes on a page I would re-do the whole page until it was perfect. It could be a scribble on the last few lines on a page of complete text and I would scrap the whole thing and start over. It was such a waste of time, but I was young, and I suppose thinking back, time was all I had. My mother was a single mother of 4 kids and we weren’t allowed out much. I was the oldest so it was my responsibility to look after the younger ones after school, until she got home from work (usually after 7 pm). So I spent my evenings doing homework. And re-doing it, again and again.

Today I’m not so lucky as to have as much time on my hands. In fact, I have very little extra time, or time for me. I work full time running an online baby store, I also have two young girls who are currently 4.5 years and 13 months that I stay home with and I am entirely responsible for the day to day running of our household (laundry, bills, cooking, cleaning). Most days it really does feel like I’m juggling 3 jobs. I’ve realized I have to start kicking this perfectionism in the bud. I have a good idea why I feel a sense of anxiety when things in my life aren’t as “perfect” as I’d like them to be (will save that for another post someday) but the bottom line is I know it’s not healthy, and I definitely know I don’t have time for it. I have to learn to live with things that may not be exactly as I want them to be, because this is OKAY. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder, and I need to learn to see another view of perfect. My current view is preventing too many things from getting done in my life.

So here’s to trying to post more often, even if it means I can’t read over my posts ten times to double check spelling and grammer (sorry - drives me nuts when I read this too!) and that I can’t upload a photo with my posts (one day I will learn what flicker is all about). I started this blog so I could capture memories about my girls, their childhood, my life. I want something I can look back on in the future. I’m not looking for readers. I don’t care if I ever have subscribers. This blog is for me and my girls.

I’m not being a very good blogger, am I? I have so much to write about, and time is just passing me by. It’s 3am so I won’t be writing much tonight. Just waiting for my little one to wake up for her marathon nursing session. Teething is the WORST. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Rory celebrated her first birthday only two weeks ago. She already scoots around like a toddler, crawling as fast as she could ever walk. She’s trying to keep up with her big sister, which is no small feat.

Rayne is growing faster than I can bare. I’m still working as hard as ever and I’m desperate to slow down and savory the time that I have with her while she’s still little. We have three camping trips booked for the summer, one being a week at the cabin. I am so looking forward to them all. She’s enjoying playdates now with some of the girls from her Montessori school. Many won’t be at the school next year, but hopefully she’ll be able to stay friends with a few of them. Right now Jordan, Mari and Anica are her best buddies.

As for me, I’m sick again. Just came on this past weekend, and now I’m congested and unable to sleep. Stress is taking a major toll on my health. I really must get it under control. Trying to be the perfect mother (whatever that means), run a business, manage the finances, handle all the household tasks (cooking, cleaning, laundry), keep DH happy, all the while trying to look after me…well, let’s just say that I’m still at the bottom of the list. Sleep comes when it can, and right now it’s not very often. Between the two girls I get about 3-4 hours a night. It’s not enough. And it’s definilty catching up to me.

I’ve got a vacation booked for July - a week at a secluded cabin with very little Internet access. Running an online business can take the fun out of surfing the net so I plan to catch up on some LONG overdue reading while enjoying the sun, sand and time away from work.

I used to be an avid reading, completing 2-3 books a week. Of course, this was pre-baby. In the last 4 years I could count the number of books I’ve completed on one hand. I miss reading, so in an effort to try to get back into it, I have started to load books into my online shopping cart via Chapters.

So far on the list…

• I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
• She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
• Raising Our Children Raising Ourselves (Naomi Aldort)
• Unconditional Parenting (Alfie Kohn)

No - I don’t expect to get through all of them in the one week. But I hope to find the time this summer to finish them off. If I can get a really good head start into a book, I can usually get through it fairly quickly. Wish me luck!

Peanut is at school and Roo is sleeping. Husband is in town shopping for my birthday (this weekend). The whole house is quiet. Doesn’t happen very often. I actually have five minutes to post to my new blog! I’ve been going back and forth between writing, to typing to blogging, to writing (yes, on paper!) to typing for a journal over the years. Time doesn’t permit me to write as much as I’d like so it’s back to blogging. Looking forward to it!

We welcomed our second little girl, Aurora (Rory) Tempest, on June 17th. We will be taking some time off to enjoy our newest addition over the summer months, but it will still be business as usual. You shouldn’t notice any changes, however, and our processing and shipping times will not be effected.

Also, I’m so thrilled to be welcoming my sister, Allison, to the Parenting By Nature team. She is a much needed addition and has already been working behind the scenes in our shipping department for the last few months. You may see her responding to emails from time to time and it may be her on the other end of the phone, when you call our customer service department.

Thanks for all of your support and well wishes for a happy babymoon. We wouldn’t be where we are today without all of our wonderful customers. Thank you for your continued support during this time!

I received a great question from a customer today trying to decide which baby carrier would be best for her. This is such a tough question to answer as everyone’s needs are different, but I tried. Keep in mind this customer already decided that she would be using a Baby Sling for the infant stage. Here was my response to her…

If it’s a choice between a Mei Tai and an Ergo Baby Carrier you’re trying to make, there are a few things you might consider. How long do you plan to use your baby carrier, and what do you use your baby carrier most often for?

Many parents find that once a baby reaches about 30-35 lbs (around 1.5 - 2 years, generally) they have outgrown the “carrying” stage and prefer to use a stroller more often. If it’s for occasional use (on a subway or bus, perhaps, or for quick shopping trips) you may be better off with a Mei Tai. If you think you will still use your carrier continuously/daily around this age/stage and beyond, than you would be better to go with an Ergo. This will allow you to carry a heavier baby for longer periods, particularly if you do a lot of walking/hiking etc.

Both baby carriers require about the same commitment level in terms of getting to know how to use it. The Mei Tai is “tied” to your body whereas the Ergo Baby Carrier is fastened on with belts/buckles. The “mainstream” appeal of the Ergo is more attractive to men, so if dad will be using the carrier as well, this might be a consideration. The Mei Tai is more compact, so it tends to fits better in a diaper bag or suitcase.

Personally, I find getting a “sleeping” baby out of a Mei Tai easier, but I think you’ll find as your daughter gets older she’ll be more interested in what’s around her and you might prefer the better support to your neck and back that the Ergo offers as she grows. I also find the Mei Tai is a bit easier to use when my daughter is in a bulky winter coat (a consideration for us here in Canada!). The coat can get in the way with the Ergo, and if you are doing a back carry in the winter, you may need help getting her situated. I can always manage on my own with the Mei Tai, even when we are both dressed for a cold Canadian winter day.

My personal choice (because I have used both extensively, and I *can* use both!) is a Mei Tai for the majority of trips and winter use, but the Ergo whenever I know she will be in the carrier for a *long* time. I use my Ergo when I’m gardening, doing yard work or housecleaning for an hour or more. If you are getting two carriers, with one being a Hotslings baby sling, you might find the Hotslings serves the “quick trip” purpose and the Ergo is a great accompany to this. Honestly, if I could *only* have one, it would be really tough to give up my Mei Tai, but I think I’d have to go with the Ergo.

I hope I haven’t confused you more! If I can answer any further questions, don’t be afraid to contact us.